If we chat on Twitter, you might have picked up on the fact that I've not been that happy with a lot of things for a while. The past few months have been quite testing and I'm just felt constantly a bit shaken up and anxious. I'm just not in a good place. I've felt like this for periods in my life before but never for this long. It's almost like I'm feeling restless with my life and I'm craving change, but at the same time, I feel exhausted and new things terrify me. It's hard to explain, but I need change and while I can come up with every excuse under the sun as to why I can't do anything about the way I'm feeling, truth is, I probably can. Or at least if I can't, nobody can. I've read that it take 25 days for a change to become a routine so I've decided that August is going to be Radical Self-Improvement Month! (Setting a time limit makes it seem more achievable, okay?!)
I've written quite a sizable list of things I want to do, change and work on. It includes small things like...
- Drinking less caffeine and eating less chocolate. During Lent, I have up my two biggest diet addictions for 6 and a half weeks and it actually wasn't as hard as I expected - you can read more about that here. When Easter came though, I let myself slip right back into my old bad habits without even trying to maintain my new healthier diet. Now though, I know that I've done it (and succeeded at it) before so I can again. My new rule? I can only have caffeine and chocolate on my days off. 2 days per week is better than 7, right?
- Walking more, even if it's just getting off the bus home from work a stop or two early. At the start of 2015, my boss and I made a mutual New Years' Resolution to walk either to or home from work at least once a week. We live in completely opposite directions, but we just thought it'd be a fun thing to challenge each other with. Needless to say, whenever either of us do it, it's a huge deal and we talk about it as if we've just won the lottery. Simply not good enough, I need to walk more. It's free exercise and if I can't do it in Summer (yes, even this rainy season that's trying to pass off as Summer!) when can I?
- Going to bed by 11pm every night, midnight if I'm off the next day. Admittedly as I've gotten older, my sleep routine has gotten better. I'm kind of over that whole staying up til 4am watching Netflix stage of my life, but sometimes I just faff about so much that without me even realising it, it's suddenly 1am and I need to be up for work at 7am. I'm setting myself the challenge of going to bed by 11pm on days that I'm working the next day, midnight when I'm not. Of course there'll be exceptions, nights out etc. but I think that's a reasonable goal for every day.
To bigger things like...
- Get back into writing a 'journal' - until earlier this year, I was an avid journal writer since my mid teens. Everything that happened in my life, good or bad, was written down. I find it theraputic to have a record of my feelings but I've let that fall by the wayside and I want to get back in to it. On a similar note, my lifelong struggle to not me a closed book is once again reeking havoc on my life, and I find that writing stuff down not only helps me feel better about it, but it helps me be more honest with other people too, so it's a two birds, one stone deal.
- Kick start my physical health. My gym's been closed for the past 10 months for renovation and it's finally back open with lots of shiny new equipment and personal trainers (not sure if they're shiny too, we'll see!) This month, I'm rejoining and more importantly, I'm going to use my membership. I recently found some old pictures of me and while I know I've gained weight over the past few years, I'm truly shocked at how much my body has changed and I am so jealous of 4-years-ago Sophie. Once I get in the habit of going to the gym regularly, I actually really do enjoy the actual activity of going as well as the results I get but it's the motivation to get going that I lack. It is however, quite literally, a 30 second walk from my front door so I have no excuse. Plus, you know, new trainers, so what's not to love?
- Go back to my doctor about my mental health. I try not to go too much into my mental health on my blog cause I don't want people I know in real life seeing but I think I need to go back to the doctors and talk some stuff through as things just aren't going the way I need them to go and it's time to at least try and sort that out. I'm tired of feeling 'stuck' in this place.
As well as continual changes, there's a few things I want to do, like redesign my blog, redo my media kit, have a massive wardrobe clear out and get my hair cut (we all know I avoid the hairdressers like the plague).
I'm a firm believer that it's the things you don't do which you regret most, so I'm taking charge of my life and properly trying to change it. Wish me luck and watch this space...